A Loss is a loss is a loss

Or at least, that's what I keep telling myself! I'm only down .2 this week. Not quite what I hoped for but still a loss so I won't complain (too much). This week marks exactly 10 pounds from where I started on December 1.

So, slowly but surely I'm marching onward.

I'm so happy

195....that was what the scale said today.....Down 2 for a total of 15!!! Woooooo-Hoooooo!!!!!

Uh Oh Tomorrow!!!

So, weigh in day is tomorrow....I went for dinner and drinks with a friend tonight and know that I am not going to weigh in correctly tomorrow.....So, I cheated and weighed today.....That way I can average the two weights and feel a little more accurate......

Today I had the incentive to lose 5-6 more lbs in the next 2 weeks, I have a date, to a wedding on Valentines day....I want to be able to fit into and look cutey in a dress and heels.....Even though my date has "known" me since I was 13, I have that extra incentive to work even harder to drop those pounds!!!!! Even I know, that this man holds absolutely NO future or relationship or anything other than a fun weekend, I know that for ME, I want to look and feel good!!!!

Pampered Chef and Oprah

Two things... Oprah said (well not really Oprah but Dr. Oz, so close enough) that people who eat eggs in the morning end up burning 65% more calories a day than the average person.  That sounds pretty good, so I had an egg this morning.  I actually had a 5 point breakfast this morning which is huge for me but since I know I won't be able to snack before lunch today, I thought it best to fill up now and hope it lasts me!

And... Pampered Chef is the devil (in case you didn't already know).  I went to a party last night at a friend's house and that women fixed some sort of cream cheese veggie spread, roasted chicken and a chocolate cake (with ice cream)!!!  I didn't eat a ton but as best I can figure it still managed to delete almost the rest of what few weekly points I had left!  

One happy side effect of all this WW stuff... we've eaten out quite a bit less and I've cooked quite a bit more which is not only cost effective but better for my waist-line since I have control over what goes in my food and on my plate.

New Long Term Goal

I have decided on a new long term goal.....When I graduate next may (1 1/2 years from now) I will be a size 8-10. that is a perfect size for me, healthy and I feel good....
So, now as I keep my eye on the prize of the big fluffy hat and being called "Dr", I will also keep it on the prize of 8-10!

Leftovers

I have a love/hate relationship with weekends.  On one hand, I love the time to relax and hang out but on the other hand, I hate the free time because it makes me want to eat.  One of my biggest downfalls has always been eating because I'm bored... and sometimes I get lazy and bored on the weekends.  But then again, if I'm doing something that doesn't make me bored it usually means I'm out of the house and therefore eating out... which is also a big problem.  Right now I'm in the house spending the day with the boys while Cameron is at all-district band auditions, and lunch time is looming.

I'm planning on eating leftovers... mostly because I hate to waste food but unfortunately they're not going to be overly point friendly and I'm not going to have a ton of points to play with for dinner.  So I'm going to try to get Cameron to let me cook for supper (so that I'll have some control over the points) or we're going to have to go to Applebee's so that I know I can stay within my points for the day... because yesterday I went over by 9... thanks to a big beer in a tall glass that I enjoyed very much and dinner out!

Close but no Cigar

My goal this week was to lose enough to make it to the 10 pound mark.  Well, I missed it--but only by .2 so that's not bad.  I lost .6 this week which I'm happy with considering my friend Flo was visiting, I've had an unrelenting craving for chocolate tootsie pops, I sat on my tail for at least 10 hours watching inauguration coverage on Tuesday, went over my points and basically had crap for a week.  This, oddly, makes everything just a bit better!

I'm continuing the march toward 10 pounds... then I'm off to 15!!  Happy Friday everybody!

And.......

197....down another pound......so total since Dec 1 is 13 lbs....Total since Nov 15th when I really started watching this is.....19 lbs!!!!!

Days Off....

As much as I love time off, eating becomes difficult. Although I have stayed within my points, I lost 2 points after my last WI.....So, I cooked tonight, made grilled terriyaki chicken breast, corn and wild rice. Still have enough points to have some mint chocolate chip ice cream later, of course it is WW style!!!!

Lost a Point

Usually, after you lose a certain amount of weight, WW asks you to retake the points quiz to determine how many points you should be eating... well, 6 weeks and 9 pounds down WW hasn't mentioned it so I decided to take the quiz again anyway--and I lost a point.  

So goes the life of a WW... the less you weigh, the less you get to eat.  :(  No worries though.  I'm enjoying the process and enjoying have loose clothes!!  I'm still on  a mission to find some casual/khaki type pants that fit right... If anyone has any suggestions, I would be grateful.  I think I tried on every pair of khakis at Concord Mills on Saturday.  The closest I came were a pair of pants at Ann Taylor... close--but no cigar... the search continues!

Good News:  Eddie Bauer--Blakely Fit (I knew all I would have to do was complain about not finding pants in order to find them...)

Spoiled

So I get on the scale this morning, totally expecting a gain... and to my surprise I'm down another 1.4 pounds!  This is great news and I've now lost 5% of my starting weight and I'm thrilled... however, I fear I'm becoming spoiled.  This week I ate all my daily and weekly points and actually went over my total allowed points and still managed to post a loss.  My psyche says, "If I can lose and eat more than I'm supposed to, then what's the point?"  Now understand, I'm not complaining, but I'm worried that I'll let myself slip up more often if the scale keeps saying it's okay... until it becomes the road to gaining back the 9+ pounds I've lost since the beginning of December.

and the verdict is in

198.....a whopping .5 down from last week. Considering that I blew ALL my extra points....I'll take it.....only 1 1/2 weeks until I can go back to the Y.

Voice in my Head

Yes, I admit I have a voice in my head (don't worry, it's mine)... and right now it's practicing answers to interview questions.  In between answers, it's telling me that I blew it last night at dinner.  We had a "Teacher Appreciation Dinner" at church (to which almost none of the actual teachers showed up) with a gorgeous dinner of spaghetti and meatballs, bread, salad and cheesecake... oops.  Now, I probably would have been okay if the cheesecake had not already been out on the table drizzled in chocolate and I might have been okay if I had served myself spaghetti but I didn't... and so I'm sure you can see my problem.  Needless to say I went well over my points for the day (especially since we had a birthday luncheon at school).  Not only that... I went over my extra points for the week.  I can't even bear to put them in because I can't stand to see my points turn red and go into the negatives... it just hurts my heart.  So, my plan is to do as best I can today, weigh tomorrow, take the consequences and shoot for something good next week!!!

Happy Thursday, everybody!  

Myself

Thank you so very much to Julie, Shea and Lisa for posting for my encouragement! I know that I should love myself as much as you guys love me, and that all of you are on my side!!! I am so blessed to have you guys in my life and on my side that words cannot even express it!!!!

The problem with me, lies much deeper. I talked to a dear old friend tonight and we talked about the effects of past relationships....Most people say that when you start over, you start over and leave the past in the past....The flawed thinking in that is when people hurt/love/ignore/deny/accept you that no matter what the emotion is it shapes who you become!

I have been hurt, I have been betrayed, I have been lied to, I have been cussed at, I have been loved, I have been liked, I have experienced every emotion under the sun either with friends or significant others......

So, my heart is so very guarded, I don't trust easily....I mistrust too easily, cry too easily, get mad too easily and know that I am in protection mode for EVERYTHING!!!!!

So, this blog is a HUGE step for me to share what is happening in my life, to be open and to let the gates around me open just a little bit........

SO here I am raw with emotion.....

Update

Ok, so yesterday was not a good day all around for me....I ate too much, drank too much and all around had a big ole "poor me" day. I usually don't do that, but yesterday a lot of things hit me! But, on the bright side, I woke up today and am starting to feel more like my chipper self.....I did weigh this morning, though I swore I wouldn't. I shouldn't have, BUT it makes me even more motivated to eat well and finish this week out with a bang and hopefully a loss!!!
Loneliness is sometimes my worst enemy.....I have the best friends in the whole wide world, that everyone should envy and I am thankful and blessed to have them in my life (JULIE, Shea) but i am still lonely.....So, that is the hardest part of this whole journey. I wake up alone, go to bed alone and that makes me want to EAT.....But, this too shall pass, and I will say my prayers for all of the things that I am truly blessed with and will type on this blog instead of eating.....So far so good today.

Just Because...

I've nothing to say, really... just felt like I should post.  Yesterday was good.  I ate my usual Mexican meal for lunch and then managed to finish the day within points because I stuck to a zero point supper... soup, salad, fruit and even bread all for 0 points.  How cool is that??  Today has gone fairly well.  Had a huge dinner and managed to stay within my points for the day (as long as I don't eat anything later).  Is it only Monday... really?  I'm settling in for an extremely long week!

Football

Playoff Football is BAD.....I went to a friends today to watch the Giants then the Steelers game. Of course there was beer, which I drank, and pizza/wings. I avoided the pizza like the plague BUT, the wings were the death of me!!!! So, I had some beers and more than my fair share of wings! They also had onion rings, another vice of mine, although I only had 4.....celery which I tried to eat the most of , but then of course comes the blue cheese.....

So, my points are shot for the week, I used from what I can figure, my daily points plus 15....Ok according to WW, but not OK by me!

Plus, I can't go to the Y to work it off, nor can I walk from exercise as I have been forbidden from that by my doc for another 3 weeks.

So now, I am sitting at home, lifting hand weights and hoping that maybe I can redeem myself.....
In response to Julies blog about weighing more than once a week.......I did do that, and I was always surprised and it kept me motivated. Since I have hit 200 lbs, weighing everyday does nothing but depress me, so I have gone back to the SOLELY once a week WI.....That way I feel better!

I want so badly to feel "skinny" again that it almost makes me CRAZY.....I know that in order to actually get the point that I am comfortable, 30 more lbs must be lost, and lost in a good way. With that though, means giving up beer and all the foods that are my enemy (salty and/or fried foods). So, even though I know that 11.5 lbs in a month is admirable, I am still feeling poorly about myself.

So I am back to my stressful world that I have had a break from for the last month. Back to readings that need to be read, assignments that must be completed, papers that must be written and a dissertation than needs a lot more work....The last month has been great, having time to do nothing but now, it has caught up with me....

My diet/exercise (once I am cleared for the Y again) are my priority, then grad school work, then teaching.....

So, keep me in your thoughts, send me lots of positive energy and keep tabs on this blog as I can use/NEED all the encouragement that you have to offer!!!!!!!

Why?

I know why I'm not supposed to weigh everyday... weight fluctuates daily and blah, blah, blah. But why is it that I always weigh less (significantly less) the day after I officially weigh-in?  Out of curiosity, I got on the scale.... and I was a full 1.2 pounds lighter than I was yesterday.... WHAT? Aggravating at the least, but now, if I'm not more than that by next Friday, I'll be all kinds of frustrated.

Okay, this post wasn't about anything important... I just needed to rant!

Update... just for fun I got on the scale again just before my shower and it showed I was down another .6.... from this morning (which makes almost 2 pounds from yesterday)!  WHAT?  I think my scale is playing with me!  :)

Welcome Back!

Weigh-in this morning went better than I expected... and I have now officially crossed back into the 150's (Technically I was there last week, but if you'll remember I had been sick so it didn't really count).  At any rate, I'm happy.  The loss wasn't big--a mere .6 of a pound from two weeks ago but considering the birthdays and cake and all that, I'm not going to complain.  It has definitely helped being back at work too... it makes it much easier for me to regulate what I'm eating.

So, yeah me.  The most fun right now is having people notice... and they might not even directly notice--sometimes they'll just compliment what I'm wearing (and I've been wearing all year) and that tells me that it's probably not the clothes so much as the way I look in the clothes--they fit better and they feel better.... woohoo!

WOW!!!

Ok, 198.5, according to WW that is 5% of my total weight and that is a huge deal!!!!!
Woo-Hoo! This is the first time I have weighed less than 200 lbs in a full year!!!

NSV

So today I had a NSV (Non-Scale Victory) which is usually a term I hate but I don't know how else to say it. Someone actually noticed that I've lost weight. It's the first time (during this recent journey) that someone has mentioned it. Of course I've noticed and I realize that's what really matters but someone else noticed too and that makes me feel like it matters!

On the other hand, I'm not expecting a loss this week due to the excessive amount of birthday cake that has been in and around my house and celebrating the birthdays of my gorgeous boys. If I come out even, I'll be thrilled!!

First Day Back

So, today was the first day back at work in over 2 weeks....it is very hard to work with preschoolers with a broken foot, but I survived, of course, I got a lot of flack, I tried to lie my way out of it, but was busted about the New Years fall!!
so, point wise, I did ok, I am just so VERY worried about my WI this week as I am not able to exercise! I miss the Y, coming from a girl who HATED exercise, that is a huge statement. So, by the grace of God and a lot of luck, I will be 200 lbs again this week, that would make me even with what I was during the Christmas week.....I doubt it, my guess will be, 202, a gain of 2 lbs in 2 weeks and that is SO NOT OK!!!!! Oh well, not much I can do other than eat a WHOLE lot less, but that will put my body into starvation mode.....UGHHHHHH!!! This broken foot is killing me in more ways than one!!!!

Binge

Yes, I admit it... the past few days have been like an eat-fest.  You don't have to worry or be angry with me though because my body is yelling at me for you.  After getting sick on Wednesday and eating nothing but crackers and Gatorade on Thursday, I landed at Chuck E. Cheese on Friday where I consumed my entire day's worth of points in one sitting.  I finished out the day well over but not horrible considering.  Then on Saturday, I did the house cleaning dance and worked for 6 or 7 hours getting the house de-Christmased and ready for birthday company on Sunday... which made me very hungry at which point I again ate more than I should.  Up to this point, I had logged everything and was still within my weekly range.  Then came Sunday... and birthday cake and chips and basically just an all out binge. 

So, I'm sorry.  As I write I sit here finishing my 3 point breakfast and have already logged my low point lunch and am pondering what I can make for supper that won't ruin my day... 

I am proud of myself, though, for accomplishing my goal of finishing December 7 pounds lighter than I started it and my goal for January is the same... leave it less than I entered it.  Wish me luck!

Derailing WW....

Ok, so the last few days of 2008, I ate like crap and drank like it was going out of style.... I weighed this morning, and as i had suspected, it was a gain from last week and that KILLS me!!!

So, on to what is really bothering me.....So, Sean, thinks that he is not "emotionally available" for a relationship, that he is "gun shy" and that he is freaking out.....I have not heard at all from him since his "apology" on Wed early evening....

It kills me, I contacted him through email last night, which I KNOW I shouldn't have, because now, 24 hrs later I still have not heard from him and it hurts more that he won't respond, then if he didn't initiate conversations......

UPDATE: Got an email at 2 am.....telling me he is sorry and that he overthought things and that he will be his own worst enemy for a while.....UGH.....

So, I deleted his numbers and email from my account and I will be SHOCKED if I hear from him again.

UPDATE: So, I realize that this really is all about him and really has nothing to me, but it still sucks no matter how you look at it!!!!

This, my friends, is the story of my life.....Everytime I think that someone is cool, this is what happens....

Maybe I am cursed with all of the bad men in life, or maybe if I were skinny like I want to be, to lose those 30+ lbs and then some I would not have the same difficulty keeping a man around me....

Update: I know, I know, that those who read this will yell at me....but I wonder, just wonder if maybe there is something wrong with me, not the men I encounter...Oh well, maybe more therapy is needed! :) lol
So, I have derailed my psuedo-relationship with Sean AND WW!!!

Not a good start to the new year.... :(

Breaking it....

Ok, so my foot is not all that got broken over this wonderous new years....I totally broke the bank with WW....I basically ate fried food crap, fast food crap, lots o' beer, and everything that is NOT allowed on WW....So I am not even weighing this week. It would only totally derail/dissappoint/piss me off. So, Since today is the start of a new week....I am starting back fresh tomorrow morning. I also need to get back into the Y after having the flu, but I have no idea how I am going to do that with this broken foot o' mine. So, I am going to go to the Dr in the am, they will weigh me, but I am not going to look and I will not have them tell me.....I think they need to x-ray my foot and then go from there on the exercise route....
Oh the trouble I get myself into when I am not even trying too....Guess that is what happens when you have your 1st drink at 2:30 PM with fried buffalo shrimp!!!!
So, heres to New Years Resolutions!!!!

I Brought in the New Year... Sick

Brilliant.  I haven't been sick (stomach not cold) in forever... until last night.  So I said goodbye to the old year and brought in the new one sick--hopefully it's not a bad omen for the year.  I had a decent points day yesterday but something at supper didn't sit right and there you have it.

The bad thing is that tomorrow's weigh in will not be totally accurate but I have nothing else to go on so it'll have to do!

I hope everyone else's New Year experience was better than mine...ugh.