Sabotage

Yes people, I am guilty of sabotaging myself... again.  It is why I have always (and probably will always) struggle with weight.  When I get to a decent size--where I'm fairly happy with my appearance and other people are complimenting me--I immediately start to gain it all back.  Ugh. What's worse is that I know it, and I still allow it to happen.  It's like a mental block.  While I'm losing, I actually enjoy watching what I eat, and making sure that everything fits into the plan. But as soon as I get to a decent weight, I come to a grinding halt and it's as if a different personality takes over... one that says I should be able to eat when, where and what I want--even knowing the consequences.  So, eating takes over and every time I do something wrong, I vow to make sure "tomorrow" is better and then, of course, "tomorrow" never comes.

I don't know how to turn the happy dieter back on... and this out of control eater off.  Aarrgghh!

ugh....

down .5
slow and easy wins the race right?????

As I expected...

the weight went up by more than a pound this week.  I hate it but I knew it... there was just a conjunction of "stuff" this week that meant I needed to work harder and instead fell into old ways.  Easter came (and went) and with it left my no sweets/pasta/rice time.  I didn't eat any rice this week and actually very little pasta but I gorged on the sweet stuff.  I avoided the WWonline site like the plague.  I have spent the week tired, overwhelmed, stressed and/or angry--all of which lead to my downfall AND my friend Flo has been visiting (thank heavens--last month it skipped altogether)... anyway, all that combined plus a severe lack of will power on my part left me heavier for the first time in a long time.

So, on to WW so I can begin this weight week off a bit better and at least log my food!

Not bad.......

All things considered, and if we go by inches lost, I am doing amazing, my weight has only gone down .5 but I have been exercising a lot more, and feel good.....I am starting with a personal trainer in 2 weeks, I am going to by 12 sessions so I can do twice a week for 6 weeks!!!!

Well...

Depending on which step on the scale you believe, I either lost .6 or stayed the same.  I'm going with a loss...  

But, in two more days, I'll be back to pasta, rice and sweets... so all bets are off.  Interesting, Weight Watchers suddenly believes I'm a man and when I log off and log back on it tells me it can't retrieve the page... Is WW on strike or hiatus for the holiday??  Who knows.

ugh....

So much for stress making me lose.....gained 2. ugh.

April Fool

I had a marvelous trip with the family to Pennsylvania.  We did everything we wanted to do (except one thing but the boys didn't even know it was in the itinerary so it's all good), Jonah only got sick at one meal, and we got there safely and back.  The only problem was that we basically ate fast food the whole time we were gone.  I ate more french fries during those four days than I usually eat in three months... no lie.  And fast food... you know it can't be good for any weight loss.

So much for my plan of waiting to weigh so that I'd make better food choices....

Anyway, I did weigh before I left and then I weighed this morning as well.  AND... drum roll please... they were exactly the same!  My early Wednesday morning weigh in was up .2 from the week before and and I'm still only up .2!  Who knew??  I'm thrilled.  Now I've got 5 days to get down and show a loss.... or I really will be an April Fool for not taking advantage of not gaining weight!

I've been slack

Ok, ok, I have totally been slack!!! Last week I was very sick, so much so that I didn't weigh and that is probably a good thing. Then this week has just been rough all around, after being stabbed in the back, thrown under the bus by someone I thought was a friend and colleague, being questioned about developmental appropriateness, HELLO, that is my JOB and degrees!!!! I am finally calm (sort of), and then I weighed this morning.

189.5, that is down 1.5 from 2 weeks ago, and the first time I have been in the 180's in well, at least 3 years..... yay me!!!!!!!!!

The crazy thing about me is that the more stressed I am, the less I eat, and this week has been stressful to say the least.