Slack

I'm being slack in so many areas of my life that I am beginning to feel overwhelmed with the amount of stuff I need to do in order to catch up.  I'm in charge of, responsible for and obligated to too many things.  I know it, but I don't really think there's much I can do about it.  I obligate myself for fear that if I don't do it, it won't get done.  But in reality, because I'm doing it, a lot of my own stuff doesn't get done.  This is totally un-weight loss related, I'm just venting.

On the upside, I stood on the scale this morning (just for fun) and I'm down to my pre-Carson weight... 167!  Now on to pre-Jonah weight... many pounds away!  We passed pre-Caden weight a while back.

4/24 but I still did it!

I am now officially out of the 170s!!  As of this week's weigh-in, I'm at 168.8.  That's exciting.  I'm noticing though that being under 170 has made me less conservative with my eating.  I need to nip that in the bud!

On Monday, I enjoyed my fourth dessert of the year--fudge brownie caramel swirl (or something like that) ice cream.  Yum!!  It was free with dinner Monday night so I took advantage.  There's no way I could've eaten more than that, though.  It was so rich but it packed a lot of good dessert into one small space--ice cream, brownie and chocolate and caramel goodness all in one!

I'm not, however, doing so well with my new resolve against laziness.  I'm doing less sitting but no more focused exercise.  Hmm... I'll keep working!

LOSER

I AM A LOSER THIS WEEK!!!!! :) I never thought I would be so happy to say I am a loser, but I have lost a POUND~ Yep a whole pound!!!! Wooo-Hoooo!

Lent

The season of Lent is upon us and although I'm not Catholic, I have over the years adopted the practice of giving something up during these six weeks.  My normal Lent sacrifice is any type of sweets and dessert.  But, those are basically already gone so I've had to find something else.  I've considered a lot of things--bread, deep fried foods--interestingly, they all seem to revolve around food.  I do think I'll give up deep fried which means no fries, no fried chicken, no hush puppies and worst of all no tater tots.  And I may get rid of superfluous bread.  I'd say bread altogether, but I'm not sure I can do it.  But the one thing I've thought about and not yet made a commitment to is giving up laziness where exercise is concerned.  I NEED to exercise and this may be a way to jump start it.  I can justify not exercising when it's just me, but where God's concerned, my justifications are useless.  So, here goes people... I'm giving up my lack of exercise for Lent.  God, help me.

Steady

I have weighed the same for the last almost two months, 222. I could be upset, I could be worried, but I know I have done nothing "right" since restarting my "diet". I have eaten, drank, and not exercised since the beginning of this. I know that is wrong. I know what I am doing and what I shouldn't be doing.....

I truly believe that I need counseling, I have been through it in the past to deal with emotions and my divorce......as well as other issues that keep presenting themselves. Now, I know that I am a food addict, and I don't know how to stop it on my own. I also worry about my drinking.... I don't think I am an alcoholic, but I do think that I am teetering way to close to the edge.

I eat and I drink to deal with emotions that I don't want to confront. I am so lonely, I am so down on myself, I hate coming home alone every single night.

I have been out on the town, and met NO ONE worth anything, even though I tried. I have tried match.com and have only gotten responses looking for one night stands. I tried eharmony, only to find scam artists....

I don't know what else to do, I don't know how to make friends, let alone meet potential mates. I have a few friends at work, but no one that I truly can socialize with. All my "friends" either have husbands, kids, or other things. I am the only single one who absolutely "yearns" for something more.

I want someone to share my life with, I want to quit feeling so alone. I want to have a man that wants me both physically and emotionally.

Life (God or whatever else) has given me things in life as I have needed them, and I would not be where I am without them. I do KNOW that everything happens for a reason, but I am tired of being alone. I am tired of having limited friendships, boyfriends or even hook ups.

Life shouldn't be this hard. Yet I cannot get over the fact that if I were skinny, life would be easier. My weight is a deterrent to all men that I might meet, yet I just cannot get myself motivated.

My life is a double edged sword.......

New month, new stats...

I weighed this morning and as predicted, I missed my goal of being out of the 170s by about a pound.  I'm not complaining because it's still a loss and I'll just continue to plug away until I get there.  At this point, I've lost just over 11 pounds and am about 16 pounds from my 155 goal.  I think before I would have scoffed at a mere 11 pounds because it doesn't seem very significant over a two month period.  But, I know that slow and steady is much better than rapid and drastic so I'm satisfied.  I'm especially satisfied because I've had to change so few of my eating habits.  It's funny that now when I'm faced with dessert, I really think about it where as before I would have just shoved it in and not worried about the consequences.  Setting that 24 desserts for the year goal has made me second guess every sweet decision... is it really worth one of my 24 desserts for a moment of yum?  Usually not which is why two months are gone and I've only eaten 3 sweet things!

I haven't the time this morning to give a complete run down of stats but my current weight is 170.8 (down 11.2 from January 1) and most of my measurements are close to the same, although my waist measured at 30.25 this morning which is down a bit I think.  I'll be more accurate with my next post.  Happy March!

3/24

So yesterday I broke down and ate my 3rd dessert of the year.  No guilt and no cravings--the opportunity presented itself (I baked chocolate cheesecake squares for a thing at church) and I was told they turned out really well so I tried them... and they were  right!  I shared with the baby and since I'd (unintentionally) had no breakfast and ate a pretty light lunch, I figured, why not?  I'm happy to weigh tomorrow... I don't think I'm going to quite be out of the 170s as I'd hoped but I should be close.  Maybe a bunch of water and fiber today will do the trick!  :)