Steady

I have weighed the same for the last almost two months, 222. I could be upset, I could be worried, but I know I have done nothing "right" since restarting my "diet". I have eaten, drank, and not exercised since the beginning of this. I know that is wrong. I know what I am doing and what I shouldn't be doing.....

I truly believe that I need counseling, I have been through it in the past to deal with emotions and my divorce......as well as other issues that keep presenting themselves. Now, I know that I am a food addict, and I don't know how to stop it on my own. I also worry about my drinking.... I don't think I am an alcoholic, but I do think that I am teetering way to close to the edge.

I eat and I drink to deal with emotions that I don't want to confront. I am so lonely, I am so down on myself, I hate coming home alone every single night.

I have been out on the town, and met NO ONE worth anything, even though I tried. I have tried match.com and have only gotten responses looking for one night stands. I tried eharmony, only to find scam artists....

I don't know what else to do, I don't know how to make friends, let alone meet potential mates. I have a few friends at work, but no one that I truly can socialize with. All my "friends" either have husbands, kids, or other things. I am the only single one who absolutely "yearns" for something more.

I want someone to share my life with, I want to quit feeling so alone. I want to have a man that wants me both physically and emotionally.

Life (God or whatever else) has given me things in life as I have needed them, and I would not be where I am without them. I do KNOW that everything happens for a reason, but I am tired of being alone. I am tired of having limited friendships, boyfriends or even hook ups.

Life shouldn't be this hard. Yet I cannot get over the fact that if I were skinny, life would be easier. My weight is a deterrent to all men that I might meet, yet I just cannot get myself motivated.

My life is a double edged sword.......