2/24

Today I had my cake (and my ice cream) and ate it too.  It was good--not great.  What was great was watching my boy demolish his cake... funny and messy but beyond adorable.  I've been trying to balance today out a bit by drinking plenty of water because I think perhaps that's what's been wrong with me on Mondays.  I don't eat as well or drink as much water in general on the weekends and it hits hard.  However, this weekend I changed that...at least the water drinking part.  Yesterday I cleaned all day (which  will probably go down as my 200+ minutes of exercise this week) and I filled up my water glass at every available opportunity.  I had a good eating day until I fixed supper but I felt that I had earned it with all my hard work!  Today was oatmeal for breakfast, mexican (although less than usual) for lunch, cake and ice cream mid-afternoon and frozen pizza with fritos for supper.  Nothing other than water to drink though, and a lot more of it than on a regular weekend.

Weigh in on Tuesday... we'll see how it goes.  I'm not expecting the big numbers like I had on the 15th but then the second is never as good as the first is it?  Hopefully it will be enough to keep me motivated to continue, but then again, I'm not sure I need motivating--I've felt better and am pretty happy with the clothes fitting better so I think I'll keep on keeping on.

Cameron also cleaned this weekend and thankfully, I think my elliptical is almost completely uncovered!  That means that perhaps I will quit making excuses for not exercising and actually exercise!!  I'll let you know how that goes!  :)

Fantastic Weekend

I have had the best weekend since moving to Macon! Bars, food, friends, music! What I didn't do is diet or exercise and I don't blame me one bit or feel bad about it! What a Fantabulous time was had by all!!!!

Life is much more than dieting!!!!!

Blah

That is all.


No, really.  I thought the blahs were going to be limited to Monday but they've carried on this week.  I've done fairly well until suppertime this week.  Then I get to supper and eat... really eat.  Well.  Dessert #2 coming up on Sunday for my precious boy's 1st birthday party.  Happy Birthday today to him!  :)

Emotional Wreck

The last month of my life has been an emotional roller coaster. Past relationships have surfaced unexpectedly. I thought I was dealing with them head on, until today happened. The man that I have loved for almost the past 6.5 yrs resurfaced after almost 5 full months on Monday. I had made the psychological decision to be alone for the rest of my life, to not marry and the dream of having children of my own was given up. In short, life I as I currently living it, alone, with only 1-2 friends, I accepted.

Tonight, I said good-bye to Dave. Although, logically he said good-bye to me in August, tonight hit me hard.

In the last 5 hours I have cried, laughed, been told the "truth" by a friend and realized that maybe, just maybe, that what made this hard was the fact that I was finally confronting the "truth" of life.

In reaction to these emotions, I ate what I wasn't supposed to (in every sense). I have drank some beers to dull my pain. I know, looking at recent events, that I am an emotional eater/drinker. When life hands me lemons, I eat and most definitely DRINK to erase the emotional responses.

I don't have any idea on how to break this cycle. I am in a brand new place, alone, lonely, and without outlets for this energy.

A mess, is a good way to describe my psychological state. I only wish that my response to these type of events was positive and did not include eating and drinking.

Mondays suck.

Yes, I realize it is now Tuesday but if Mondays didn't suck, I would have the time to blog about it on Monday except then I wouldn't have anything to blog about because Mondays wouldn't suck!  :)

Anyway, Mondays are a downer--going back to work and all--but more than that, I feel bloated and gross all day.  It's like I have to get back in the swing of the dieting thing and my body is rebelling from less dieting over the weekend.  I did pretty well over the weekend and I am doing much better on the 1/2 part of my dieting "plan" but I still didn't do as well as I do during the week when I'm working AND I moved a whole lot less.  Perhaps its the moving and not the dieting that is making the difference during the week.  I don't know.  But yesterday I worked from 7:30-3:30 then went to the store.  I made it home around 4:30 and spent the next hour and a half on my feet in the kitchen starting dinner, loading the dishwasher, looking over homework, talking to the baby, etc.  We ate around 6 and by 6:30 I had the entire 8 and under population in the truck so I could pick up my mother and a cousin for scouts.  By the time I finished there (another hour on my feet) and got home and put the children in bed, it was 8:45.  I literally had not sat down (other than to eat) since 7:30.  Yikes.  The good news is, I suppose, is that it burns a lot more calories than sitting around and lounging on the couch as I did all weekend.

And here I go to do it all again... except today I have to battle a 2 hour staff development which means sitting on a hard round circle being bored out of my mind after teaching all day and then somehow I must survive the obligatory Pizza Hut buffet.  Did I mention that Tuesdays suck?

At least....

At least I didn't gain... I weighed in today, a day early and after I had eaten (which usually I weigh 1st thing in the am, before coffee, diet coke, water, food or really ingesting anything!). maybe that makes a difference, probably not... So, I am exactly as I was last week. 222... Ugh, but I didn't go to the gym this weekend, I did eat fairly well, but did enjoy some cold ones!

So, here we are, my first full work week of the new year. Eating is so much easier here at the office! Plus I am determined to go to the gym 4 times this week. I think that is a reasonable expectation.... I made it 3 last week.

Well...

this weekend has cruised by pretty uneventfully.  I've eaten respectably and sat at home for the most part.  We so rarely have a weekend when we don't have plans of some sort that I enjoy a good weekend of lounging and movie watching every now and again--of course, then I feel guilty for not getting anything done (like cleaning).  Tomorrow starts another work week which I hope means another couple pounds gone.  We've eaten out a lot this weekend--Liberty Steakhouse, Kimono Japanese, Mi Pueblo Mexican but I've left quite a bit of food on my plate everywhere we've been so I'm pretty happy about that.  I still have over a week until my next weigh-in and I'd like to be down at least a few more pounds from my weigh-in on the 15th.  Next Sunday will probably also bring my second dessert of the year... Carson's birthday cake!  I can't believe my littlest man is going to turn 1 on Thursday.  I'm sad that I won't quite be back to my pre-pregnancy weight on his birthday but at least I'll be closer than I was!

The weekend looms large and long

So, weekends are really bad for me! The faculty meeting in Atlanta tomorrow was canceled, so I am not going there. But sitting at home on Saturday and Sunday always spells disaster for me. I have yet to figure out, why, when I am work, I eat healthy, I exercise and everything is fine. The minute I am home, it all goes to hell. I wish I had the will power to ear right while home alone but for some reason, I just haven't been able to....

So, this weekend the challenge is on. Instead of eating, I will blog. The real test will be, can I go without drinking any beer? That is my vice and my weekend outlet, guess I need to find a new outlet! :)

Today I Can Tell a Difference!

Yeah!  I got dressed this morning in clothes I haven't worn lately and to my surprise and delight, I can tell a difference in how they fit!!  How exciting!  Not a huge difference, but a difference nonetheless so at least I feel like I'm on the right track.  Little things like this keep me motivated.

I am beginning to wonder why I didn't swear off sweets a long time ago.  Anyone who knows me knows that I always give up sweets during Lent (along with a couple other things) and I don't really struggle with it during that time because it's a promise, a commitment I've made... to God (and myself).  This has been very like Lent (at least so far).  I'm not struggling with not eating the sweets, I don't hesitate when they're offered to me, I don't crave them when I'm passing them out to everyone else... because I've made a commitment to myself.  Huh.

Off... or something.

Somehow I feel off.  I'm not sure what it is--still not eating sweets and doing okay on portion control, not snacking on anything other than fruits and veggies and still drinking a ton of water--but I feel almost like I've hit a wall.  Hard to believe after two weeks and maybe my body is just reacting to something or adjusting to eating less food.  I don't want this feeling of "off-ness" to keep me from continuing some really good habits that I've started.  Perhaps the bod is just saying, "Alright chick, time to get off your hind end and do some real work."  Who knows... hopefully tomorrow I'll be back to feeling on track.  But for now, blogging about it has been enough to keep me from eating about it!  :)

Not as bad as I thought....

Ok, today's weigh in... 222. At my heaviest in September I was 239.5, I got down to 216. I was 218 at my last weigh in December 6th. Gaining 4 pounds in a month of barely any exercise, eating whatever I felt like and drinking like a fish on vacation, I don't think is that bad.

I am back on the Paleo band wagon, and am changing my weigh in's to Mondays as that is better to keep me on track on weekends.

I don't have full measurements but will do that when I get home tonight as to track more than just the scale. We are also measuring %fat to monitor also.

All in all, better than I had thought! Gives me new purpose. I am looking for another 5 K to train for as I need to have something to work for!

Little Changes

It amazes me what  a difference little changes make.  When I was devising my plan before the new year began, I gave some thought (and actually signed up online) to doing the Special K diet for 2 weeks to help me jumpstart my weight loss.  Six pounds in two weeks and a smaller jean size sounds like a great deal.  But after I created my Special K plan online, I realized that there was no way I would survive two weeks on nothing but cereal, protein shakes and bars (oh yes, and one sensible meal a day).  It isn't my style.  I need food... food that I actually like and have chosen.  But I'm finding it's the little things that are making all the difference.

Tuesday is pizza buffet night, no exceptions.  Now, I could make up reasons to not go or I could just refuse to go because I'm dieting but that would mean less time with my family and no pizza.  I really like pizza.  So I've made little changes.  I always eat a big salad when I go but when I get to the actual pizza, I choose the smallest slices instead of the biggest and I dump less pasta on my plate (and of course, I don't eat dessert).  Water is my automatic answer to "What would you like to drink" and when we go places like Subway, I still get the combo but trade my chips with Caden for his yogurt or apples (since Subway apparently no longer allows children to get chips or a cookie with their meal).  But what I think is making the most difference is skipping the random I'm-not-really-hungry-but-I-want-something-in-my-mouth binges.

I'm still working on finding a good, dedicated workout time.  I've never done well with this but I need to if I truly want to meet my goals.  I mean, what good is losing 25 pounds if it's all still flab?  I've considered doing the Couch to 5K program... but I haven't found a local 5K to work toward yet and I think I need that type of goal to get me going.

Two Days and the Gym

I have made it to the gym, Friday and Saturday. Of course last night I went to movies, had popcorn (with butter), then out to dinner where I had fried shrimp and a beer. Oh well, I have to have my indulgences! I am off to the gym again today, trying to get my endurance back up, I can only do about 20 minutes hard on the eliptical, where I was doing at least 45 mins everyday! I am feeling better though and sleeping again so I know that exercise is my key to success!

Drum Roll Please...

Today is January 15... my first official weigh-in/measurement day!  Before I reveal my stats, let's review what the last couple of weeks have been like for me.  I've lived through PMS, TOM, a family reunion, a birthday party, two birthday dinners, 3 sets of leftover cupcakes and/or doughnuts and leftover chocolate pie, almost a week of snow days, and almost daily restaurant visits including Arby's, Wendy's, Mi Pueblo (x3), Moe's, Chili's, Five Guys, the Pizza Hut buffet (x2) and Little Richard's.  WOW.  So, I suppose I should feel like I failed on some level because I didn't always follow good dieting guidelines... but guess what?  I don't!  I ate reasonably more often than not, so when I devoured those tater tots, I knew it could have been a lot worse.  I didn't give up anything (except desserts) and I think I did pretty good overall.

So, onto the stats...  (old/new)


Weight:  182/176.6                           -5.4
Measurements:
Waist:  34in/32.25in                         -1.75in
Hips:  46in/44.5in                            -1.5in
Thighs:  R-- 28in/27in                     -1in    
              L-- 27.5in/26.5in               -1in
Chest: 39in/37.5in                           -1.5in                      

Yeah!  More than 5 pounds gone and almost 7 inches lost... not too shabby!  Could it have been more?  Probably, but I would have been hungrier, unhappier and more likely to lose control.

Now, lets take a moment and look at what I said I was going to do... and how well I am actually doing.


Parameters:
24 desserts for the year (1/24... I'm on track there!)
1/2 of what I would normally eat at any sit down meal not including breakfast. (I'm doing pretty good with this where home/school meals are concerned.  I'm still struggling greatly with this when it comes to restaurants)
More fruits and vegetables than not. (I've eaten a lot more than normal)
Healthy snacks--no more than 2 a day (I'm sticking to 1 snack as a general rule and it's been either a fruit or vegetable)
Water, always. (Definitely more water than not.  The only non-water drink I've had is Diet Coke and I've had it only a handful of times)
Eating only when I'm hungry. (Hunger comes fairly often so this one hasn't been a problem)
200 minutes of exercise a week (I've done more like 150, I think, and it wasn't generally on purpose or spread out... it's been mostly that I've been out and about on some given day and done more walking than normal.)
Weigh-ins/measurements only on the 1st and the 15th of the month. (Check!)


So, for a girl who's following a non-plan... I'm happy.  Not perfect, but happy!

Run over by the Exercise Wagon

Alright, I have PLENTY and I mean almost 80 lbs of reasons to exercise, but, I just can't bring myself to do it! I have been eating alright, until the drive thru at BK just made me drive through it... It's the start of the semester, I have been going almost non-stop since Tuesday morning. I am also house hunting so that when my lease is up here, I will be able to move closer to campus.... But, I have had time to exercise. Let's face it, my schedule isn't that tough. Mon/Wed Office Hours 12:00-1:00 Class 1:00-2:15 Office hours 2:15-3:30. So, why do you ask did I not go to the gym this morning??? Well, let's see, I just didn't feel like it, I was tired and it was cold. Tuesday and Thursday are tougher... Class 9:30 - 10:45, office hours 10:45-12:15 Class 12;-15 - 1:30 office hours 1:30-3:30 on Thursday and Class 3-4:15 on Tuesday. SO, no matter how I spin it, I have the time and I made the time with a much more hectic schedule last fall, but since falling off the exercise wagon (I think I was run over by it actually), it is very hard to get back on. I don't have anyone that will go to the gym with me, so I am stuck self motivating, and I think I used all of that up during my Doctoral Program... I am PROMISING to get back on the eliptical Friday, I have to be in the office until 6 for my Monthly Advisor on Call duties..... Friday it is, then I WILL go saturday and sunday and monday.... That should give me a good start! Plus I go to weigh in with my trainer/nutritionist on Tuesday at 8 am..... That should be interesting because I haven't weighed in a month.... Oy Vey!

Tater Tots = FAIL!

Lunch was a major fail today.  To escape being cooped up in the house any longer, we took off to Clemmons and had lunch at Little Richards.  I love LR because they serve tater tots... and I LOVE tater tots.  I ate my chopped sandwich... slowly while feeding the baby his mac and cheese and then I started in on my beautifully golden crispy tots.  I wish I could say that I stopped after a few, or that I shared them with someone, or that the restaurant didn't give me that many.  But, no.  I ate them all and I had a large portion of them (with ketchup)... and they were GOOD!

I feel a bit guilty, I suppose, except that I know that I only had a bowl of cereal before going and that I'm having a small portion of beef stroganoff for dinner with a large salad.  That's the beauty of following my own plan.  I'm not subject to anyone else's rules.  No, I didn't eat half of what I normally eat but other than that, I haven't broken any rules, eaten too many points or anything else that would normally make me hang my head in shame.  Still no sweets, and I've had enough water today to drown... well just about anybody.  This was one indulgence and I think that's okay.

Off to make dinner and pray that we actually get to go to school tomorrow... because for some reason it is so much easier to follow my "plan" when I'm on a regular schedule!

Snow Days and Back Fat

I love a good snow day.  It gives me some time to get a few minutes of exercise I wouldn't normally get.  Since the elliptical is covered in my hubby's office "stuff", I pulled out the Wii Fit this morning and put in about 40 minutes and (according to it) took off about 200 calories.  Not bad and certainly better than sitting on the couch watching extended snow coverage... I mean really, it snowed, it iced, it's dangerous--I'm not exactly sure how many times I have to hear it before the meaning actually sinks in.  It did, however, keep the Today show from airing and bored me to the point I felt I should exercise.  So I suppose, extended snow coverage is not an altogether bad thing.

As much as I love a good snow day, I hate back fat.  Now, there are a plethora of things I don't particularly enjoy about my current body but I think the back fat is the worst.  I'm not sure why.  I can cover back fat... I can't hide the size of my hips.  Maybe it has to do with the fact that I have always lived (and always will) with a larger hip/backside area.  I have not always lived with back fat and the rolls have got to go!  Most of this will be handled by losing weight but some of it has probably come with age and lack of exercise so exercise I will...

I'm a mere four days until my first stat update... I hope I don't disappoint.

We're baaack...

So, here we go again... again.  I haven't posted since sometime in May of '09 and between then and now, quite a few things (and pounds) have happened.  I got pregnant (unexpectedly but happily), had a baby (who is now almost a year old), gained 60 pounds, lost 45 pounds and am now fluctuating within a 5 pound range that is at the least 10 pounds heavier than I was pre-baby #3.... YIKES!!

At the new year, I resolved to get back to it and I actually started another blog, to which I will post a link so you can catch up (if you choose) and so I don't have to repost everything I've already written.

However, I'm so thrilled to have my weight loss partner back--even if she is 6 hours away--and am happy to get back to this blog so that we can do this together... again, again.  :)

It's Time

So, after being off the blog for a year and a half, I am getting back started! I started my weight loss journey AGAIN in September. I had gained almost 40 lbs since my last post and was 20+ lbs above my starting weight when Julie and I started this blog. It was totally unreasonable and inconceivable that I weighed that much!

I participated in a weight loss challenge on campus, lost just over 23 lbs in 12 weeks. Although this is a great start, I fell hard off the weight loss wagon during my Month long vacation from being a college professor.

I know I do better when I have someone and something holding me accountable. My goal weight is 150, when I get there, my mom says she will pay me what I didn't win in the Campus Challenge.

So, between this blog, my mom's incentive and a trainer on campus tracking my weight/fat loss every week... Here is to being back to feeling good in my own skin!!!