Emotional Wreck

The last month of my life has been an emotional roller coaster. Past relationships have surfaced unexpectedly. I thought I was dealing with them head on, until today happened. The man that I have loved for almost the past 6.5 yrs resurfaced after almost 5 full months on Monday. I had made the psychological decision to be alone for the rest of my life, to not marry and the dream of having children of my own was given up. In short, life I as I currently living it, alone, with only 1-2 friends, I accepted.

Tonight, I said good-bye to Dave. Although, logically he said good-bye to me in August, tonight hit me hard.

In the last 5 hours I have cried, laughed, been told the "truth" by a friend and realized that maybe, just maybe, that what made this hard was the fact that I was finally confronting the "truth" of life.

In reaction to these emotions, I ate what I wasn't supposed to (in every sense). I have drank some beers to dull my pain. I know, looking at recent events, that I am an emotional eater/drinker. When life hands me lemons, I eat and most definitely DRINK to erase the emotional responses.

I don't have any idea on how to break this cycle. I am in a brand new place, alone, lonely, and without outlets for this energy.

A mess, is a good way to describe my psychological state. I only wish that my response to these type of events was positive and did not include eating and drinking.