Here We Go... Again

So, I'm starting over. It all fell apart as soon as Easter had come and gone and I've gone nowhere but up since then. So, I'm starting over. I packed my lunch box with low point foods today, have turned down about 5 offers of Panera bagels, and am currently eating 1 point soup while anxiously awaiting the EOG scores of my students... which arrived hours ago but haven't been released to us yet....

Wish me luck (again) and hope that I can find the will power I need to continue on more than a day!

Confessions from the yo-yo dieter

Ok, so I confess, I have not been on in over two weeks. But it seems to m e that our followers have dropped off...... Even so, I must put into writing my confession and my sins.

At my highest weight, I was 218 that was in October of 2008, when we started this journey I was 211.......all WAY more than i should weigh..... At my lightest during this journey i was at 189, but that was unrealistic as I had been sick for a week, so I count my lowest weight as 191.5

so, in january when I broke my foot, I fell completely off the exercise wagon, and it has been hard to get back on.

I didn't step on a scale for three weeks, and when I did on Monday I was shocked and depressed, I was 195 and that upset me. But as my partner has stated, I continued on the sabotage path.

This morning, I weighed 194 andthat should be a victory for me, but I am stuck.....

I wanted to hire a personal trainer for 6 weeks, but now that has to be postponed due to budget cuts and money shortages.... So I will do it in July once I have gotten my loan money....

Ugh so here I sit, fat as I always have been, making no strides in the right direction, no motivation and back to where I started from.

I don't know how to stop this freight train of failure, I am stuck on it and even though when i put the bad foods in my mouth I KNOW and hate that I am eating it, I do it anyway......

Stress is also a huge issue. Between my stresses at work which are many, I am embarking on my final doctoral semester and the work load is MORE than UNreasonable........But I have to do it....

So, wish me luck, but I know that the next month will be hard, and that if I can lose a little or stay the same I will be pleasantly surprised....

And that my friends is a confession from the Yo-Yo Dieter!

Sabotage

Yes people, I am guilty of sabotaging myself... again.  It is why I have always (and probably will always) struggle with weight.  When I get to a decent size--where I'm fairly happy with my appearance and other people are complimenting me--I immediately start to gain it all back.  Ugh. What's worse is that I know it, and I still allow it to happen.  It's like a mental block.  While I'm losing, I actually enjoy watching what I eat, and making sure that everything fits into the plan. But as soon as I get to a decent weight, I come to a grinding halt and it's as if a different personality takes over... one that says I should be able to eat when, where and what I want--even knowing the consequences.  So, eating takes over and every time I do something wrong, I vow to make sure "tomorrow" is better and then, of course, "tomorrow" never comes.

I don't know how to turn the happy dieter back on... and this out of control eater off.  Aarrgghh!

ugh....

down .5
slow and easy wins the race right?????

As I expected...

the weight went up by more than a pound this week.  I hate it but I knew it... there was just a conjunction of "stuff" this week that meant I needed to work harder and instead fell into old ways.  Easter came (and went) and with it left my no sweets/pasta/rice time.  I didn't eat any rice this week and actually very little pasta but I gorged on the sweet stuff.  I avoided the WWonline site like the plague.  I have spent the week tired, overwhelmed, stressed and/or angry--all of which lead to my downfall AND my friend Flo has been visiting (thank heavens--last month it skipped altogether)... anyway, all that combined plus a severe lack of will power on my part left me heavier for the first time in a long time.

So, on to WW so I can begin this weight week off a bit better and at least log my food!

Not bad.......

All things considered, and if we go by inches lost, I am doing amazing, my weight has only gone down .5 but I have been exercising a lot more, and feel good.....I am starting with a personal trainer in 2 weeks, I am going to by 12 sessions so I can do twice a week for 6 weeks!!!!

Well...

Depending on which step on the scale you believe, I either lost .6 or stayed the same.  I'm going with a loss...  

But, in two more days, I'll be back to pasta, rice and sweets... so all bets are off.  Interesting, Weight Watchers suddenly believes I'm a man and when I log off and log back on it tells me it can't retrieve the page... Is WW on strike or hiatus for the holiday??  Who knows.