Here We Go... Again

So, I'm starting over. It all fell apart as soon as Easter had come and gone and I've gone nowhere but up since then. So, I'm starting over. I packed my lunch box with low point foods today, have turned down about 5 offers of Panera bagels, and am currently eating 1 point soup while anxiously awaiting the EOG scores of my students... which arrived hours ago but haven't been released to us yet....

Wish me luck (again) and hope that I can find the will power I need to continue on more than a day!

Confessions from the yo-yo dieter

Ok, so I confess, I have not been on in over two weeks. But it seems to m e that our followers have dropped off...... Even so, I must put into writing my confession and my sins.

At my highest weight, I was 218 that was in October of 2008, when we started this journey I was 211.......all WAY more than i should weigh..... At my lightest during this journey i was at 189, but that was unrealistic as I had been sick for a week, so I count my lowest weight as 191.5

so, in january when I broke my foot, I fell completely off the exercise wagon, and it has been hard to get back on.

I didn't step on a scale for three weeks, and when I did on Monday I was shocked and depressed, I was 195 and that upset me. But as my partner has stated, I continued on the sabotage path.

This morning, I weighed 194 andthat should be a victory for me, but I am stuck.....

I wanted to hire a personal trainer for 6 weeks, but now that has to be postponed due to budget cuts and money shortages.... So I will do it in July once I have gotten my loan money....

Ugh so here I sit, fat as I always have been, making no strides in the right direction, no motivation and back to where I started from.

I don't know how to stop this freight train of failure, I am stuck on it and even though when i put the bad foods in my mouth I KNOW and hate that I am eating it, I do it anyway......

Stress is also a huge issue. Between my stresses at work which are many, I am embarking on my final doctoral semester and the work load is MORE than UNreasonable........But I have to do it....

So, wish me luck, but I know that the next month will be hard, and that if I can lose a little or stay the same I will be pleasantly surprised....

And that my friends is a confession from the Yo-Yo Dieter!

Sabotage

Yes people, I am guilty of sabotaging myself... again.  It is why I have always (and probably will always) struggle with weight.  When I get to a decent size--where I'm fairly happy with my appearance and other people are complimenting me--I immediately start to gain it all back.  Ugh. What's worse is that I know it, and I still allow it to happen.  It's like a mental block.  While I'm losing, I actually enjoy watching what I eat, and making sure that everything fits into the plan. But as soon as I get to a decent weight, I come to a grinding halt and it's as if a different personality takes over... one that says I should be able to eat when, where and what I want--even knowing the consequences.  So, eating takes over and every time I do something wrong, I vow to make sure "tomorrow" is better and then, of course, "tomorrow" never comes.

I don't know how to turn the happy dieter back on... and this out of control eater off.  Aarrgghh!

ugh....

down .5
slow and easy wins the race right?????

As I expected...

the weight went up by more than a pound this week.  I hate it but I knew it... there was just a conjunction of "stuff" this week that meant I needed to work harder and instead fell into old ways.  Easter came (and went) and with it left my no sweets/pasta/rice time.  I didn't eat any rice this week and actually very little pasta but I gorged on the sweet stuff.  I avoided the WWonline site like the plague.  I have spent the week tired, overwhelmed, stressed and/or angry--all of which lead to my downfall AND my friend Flo has been visiting (thank heavens--last month it skipped altogether)... anyway, all that combined plus a severe lack of will power on my part left me heavier for the first time in a long time.

So, on to WW so I can begin this weight week off a bit better and at least log my food!

Not bad.......

All things considered, and if we go by inches lost, I am doing amazing, my weight has only gone down .5 but I have been exercising a lot more, and feel good.....I am starting with a personal trainer in 2 weeks, I am going to by 12 sessions so I can do twice a week for 6 weeks!!!!

Well...

Depending on which step on the scale you believe, I either lost .6 or stayed the same.  I'm going with a loss...  

But, in two more days, I'll be back to pasta, rice and sweets... so all bets are off.  Interesting, Weight Watchers suddenly believes I'm a man and when I log off and log back on it tells me it can't retrieve the page... Is WW on strike or hiatus for the holiday??  Who knows.

ugh....

So much for stress making me lose.....gained 2. ugh.

April Fool

I had a marvelous trip with the family to Pennsylvania.  We did everything we wanted to do (except one thing but the boys didn't even know it was in the itinerary so it's all good), Jonah only got sick at one meal, and we got there safely and back.  The only problem was that we basically ate fast food the whole time we were gone.  I ate more french fries during those four days than I usually eat in three months... no lie.  And fast food... you know it can't be good for any weight loss.

So much for my plan of waiting to weigh so that I'd make better food choices....

Anyway, I did weigh before I left and then I weighed this morning as well.  AND... drum roll please... they were exactly the same!  My early Wednesday morning weigh in was up .2 from the week before and and I'm still only up .2!  Who knew??  I'm thrilled.  Now I've got 5 days to get down and show a loss.... or I really will be an April Fool for not taking advantage of not gaining weight!

I've been slack

Ok, ok, I have totally been slack!!! Last week I was very sick, so much so that I didn't weigh and that is probably a good thing. Then this week has just been rough all around, after being stabbed in the back, thrown under the bus by someone I thought was a friend and colleague, being questioned about developmental appropriateness, HELLO, that is my JOB and degrees!!!! I am finally calm (sort of), and then I weighed this morning.

189.5, that is down 1.5 from 2 weeks ago, and the first time I have been in the 180's in well, at least 3 years..... yay me!!!!!!!!!

The crazy thing about me is that the more stressed I am, the less I eat, and this week has been stressful to say the least.

I'm Debating

on whether to weigh early--or late.  We leave before the crack of dawn tomorrow for our PA trip but I don't weigh until Fridays.  I'm not in the mood to lug my scale around in my trunk the whole trip so I need to decided whether to weigh in the morning before we leave or wait until Sunday morning when we get back.  Sunday will be more accurate (I suppose) and if I wait, I might be more inclined to make decent eating choices while we're gone.

Decisions, decisions.  Maybe I'll weigh before and after... so I'll know how much damage I did--then again, that has the potential to be depressing and derailing.  Arrgghh.  All I know is that once I get back, I'll only have a week left before I can consume pasta, rice and sweets again.... yeah--let's just hope I don't suddenly turn into a glutton on Easter Sunday!

Big Whoop...

So I stepped on the scale this morning for my official weekly weigh-in and what did I get for a long week of good on-plan eating????  A whopping .2 loss.  Big whoop.  I won't complain at a loss but I was expecting a bit better since I was vigilant about logging my food this week and it was the first time (in several weeks) where I still had some points left over.

Oh well.  Eat too much and I lose a pound and a half.  Follow the plan and I only lose .2.  Of course, some of it could have to do with stress and I know I've not had as much water this week as normal.  All this worrying about Jonah and this unknown, never-ending stomach virus which has now turned into a persistent cough, leg cramps and nose bleeds couldn't have helped.... I am, however, feeling a bit more optimistic about our chances of actually going on our big Spring Break trip since today my boy is smiling, eating and keeping everything down (so far).

Note to Self:

When packing a lunch in a divided container... do not include any quasi-liquids or your entire lunch will be covered!

So here we are with another lovely week looming in front of us. I did fairly well this weekend... considering. Pampered Chef parties are always good for a few extra (and unneeded calories) but at least I skipped the cake! I ate leftovers all weekend... as well as leftovers from the enchilada casserole I made on Saturday. They're mostly gone now so I can move on to less fattening things!

The rest of this week looks pretty much like the last few... Monday night soccer, Tuesday afternoon workshop, Tuesday night Scouts, Wednesday night Lenten Bible Study, Thursday afternoon meeting, Thursday night hand chimes/choir and maybe, just maybe, a free Friday night! It's all good though... this time next week I'll be packing for a few fun-filled days with ALL my boys in Pennsylvania--and it's really that thought that is keeping me going right now. But of course next week I'll be worried about arriving in the land of the smorgasboard...ugh! That is, of course, if Jonah will ever stop puking!!

Okay, well... this post ended up being a pointless conglomeration of thoughts but at least I feel better!

Down Again!

Woohoo. I'm feeling especially grateful for a 1.4 loss this week. My recent pattern has been low point breakfast, low point mid morning snack, low point lunch, whatever I feel like for dinner. And I have to admit that my dinner choices haven't been the best. However, it seems to be working as I'm now in the low 150's... yeah me!

It's hard to believe that I've now been almost a full month with no sweets, no pasta and no rice. The sweets aren't really that hard--I've given them up every Lent for a few years now but I forget that pasta hides everywhere and have caught myself almost grabbing mac and cheese out of the fridge or getting ready to eat a spoonful of Spaghettios that I made for the boys before remembering that they're pasta. No worries, though. I've not actually ingested any so I'm good to go.

Happy Day

191....down 2......FINALLY!

Ugh...

I ate too much yesterday... enough said.

Thank You

Thank you to everyone for the positive words and thoughts!!! This is a journey that is for sure, this weekend has not been the greatest...Being in Atlanta leads to not eating as healthy as I should. But Dave certainly tries, it is just hard....

Anyway, I am back to the good "feelings"......Some days are just harder than others and last week I struggled.....I also have to remember though that the big picture is that in OCTOBER 08 I weighed 218.....that puts me down 25 lbs and I need to remember that!!!

Thanks again everyone!!!!

Weekends

Weekends are particularly difficult for me and I'm ashamed to say that this weekend I haven't logged my food.  :(  Yes, I'm hanging my head in shame, and there's no excuse for it.  I think that when Friday rolls around and I step on the scale I feel like I've made it through an entire week and deserve a "day off".  Unfortunately, one day off led to all weekend.  Part of it was the lack of groceries (which I remedied Saturday morning) but the biggest part of it is a bad (God bless my poor husband and children) case of PMS.  AND since it's Lent and I'm not eating sweets (my PMS craving), pasta or rice, I've filled up on other things trying to get through the cravings.  Thankfully, fruit is most often my weapon of choice but my bread intake is also up--I have to get those carbs somehow!!  

I'm still struggling with trying to find a good time to work out... with little luck.  Monday night soccer practice gives me a bit of extra "run around" time and I make sure I'm almost always moving at work so that helps a bit.  The good news (although we'll have to wait and see at the end of the week) is that I stepped on the scale this morning and was a full 2 pounds lighter than I was on Friday when I weighed in... if I can maintain that until Friday I'll be thrilled--it is the lightest I've ever been on Weight Watchers (counting that time before :).

Too bad lesson planning doesn't burn calories... oh wait, wouldn't matter!!

So it's 5:45...

and this is the only time I can actually find to blog this week.  I started a post earlier this week but got called away on some unknown venture and never got to finish.  I'm now back down officially to my pre-NCCAT weight.... and it "only" took two weeks to get there--geez.  The loss this week was only .4 but a loss and therefore not a total wash.

My previously-started-but-not-finished blog talked about how being so busy was both a blessing and a curse to this lovely weight loss journey.  Since Sunday, I've probably spent an average of less than two waking hours in my house each day... I'm not complaining--for the most part I've chosen the busyness but it is tiring and I know that relief is not likely to come until after Easter. So the blessing and curse is this:  being so busy keeps me from having time to eat (which is good) but when I do finally get to sit down and eat I don't always make the best choices (which is nicht so gut).  

Like last night, in the rush between teaching trumpet to our fifth grade trumpets at school, helping Mr. Jonah with his Kindergarten homework and running off to hand chimes/choir I had time to eat a bite... of Doritos and a couple slices of the boys' frozen pizza and a tuna wrap.  Not the best choices on the night before weigh-in.  Of course, it also doesn't help that I've run out of everything this week... fruit, vegetables, and all the foods I normally keep in the house to keep me from straying.

So my goals this week:  1.  Go grocery shopping, 2. Clean house, 3.  Move on down the scale a teensy bit more, 4.  BREATHE! 

HOW?!?!??!

How do I break this plateau??????? I am exercising again, I am eating right and I can't seem to get beyond 193.......I know, WI isn't until the AM but I am DREADING it and feeling bad. I am feeling sorry for myself as I should have lost more and I should continue to lose, but I have only lost, officially on this site, 17 lbs and in 3 FULL months I should have lost more......
Ugh, this is where I start to shut down, where I start to doubt it and start eating crap again. This is where my motivation quits, because despite what I have been doing, I cannot lose......Maybe I am destined to be fat for the rest of my life, because 193 is FAT, morbidly obese according to doctors standards.......
I am thinking of quitting, I am thinking of instead of thinking of more loss, I will be happy with where I am at......Though I am so NOT HAPPY with my weight........i want to weigh 135-140, that is where I am most comfortable with myself, but I am not invisioning it anymore, I am not feeling it. I am feeling sad and overwhelmed and stuck......
UGH~~~~~
I know this is stupid and dumb and all other words to describe.....but we (Julie and I) as bloggers have lost all of the attention and following that we started with.....and that, to me, makes me want to give up on this entire thing. It has even become foreign for my partner in loss and blogging to update regularly........
Maybe since my partner doesn't post as often and that people are no longer following or seem interested, I should just give up.....
again, I am feeling sorry for myself, sad and overwhelmed, and without support, it doesn't seem worth it..... :(
All around,, for many reasons a bad "feeling" week for me......

Friday the 13th....

So with the superstitious weekend, I need as much luck as possible..... I have had a fairly good week, but I am plateaud and I am afraid I will be the same this week. I have been exercising a lot, I walked a mile at recess today and I did vive last night.....
Wish me luck!!!!

Thinking about the weather

Wow, this weather is SOOO motivating......I walked a grand total of 8.2 miles this weekend with Millie outside!!! I had a fairly good eating weekend, other than the Crab Cakes on Sturday night, but since I have been so active, I think it will be ok!!!! I am excited for the Y this week again, Tuesday Night Body Vive, Thursday night Sculpt.....I am going to walk millie hopefully 3 miles tonight!!!!!!

Could be worse...

I'm down .6 from my late weigh in on Sunday.  It's good news but I'm not yet back down to my pre-broken scale, pre-NCCAT weight.  .4 to go.  I really can't complain (as I never can) since my pizza intake was up severely this week.  Of course, with the beginning of Lent last week also came the beginning of my month and a half of no sweets, rice or pasta.  Should be interesting!

Good Day!!!!!!!

Body Vive was Fantastic last night! I have had a great eating day, so, hooray and hope that tomorrow the scale will approve!

Ok, so nothing lost and nothing gained. So, all in all it is ok.....not great but at least it is not a gain!!!

Now last night I went to Sculpt at the Y, talk about a workout, I have never in my life worked my whole body like that!!!! Here is hoping that all of this work will help out!!!! Keep your fingers crossed for me!

Snow Days

Ok, as much as I love snow days and I actually have been productive, I have not been eating well. It is too easy just to eat, and eat and eat and eat........and since Millie HATES the snow, it is hard to take walks.

So, off to bodyvive tonight hoping that will help!!!!!

1 Pound

I finally got a new battery in my scale.  Thankfully, and much to my surprise, I've only gained 1 pound in the 2 weeks since I was able to weigh last.  Not too bad considering the amount of food I've consumed in the past two weeks.  I'm glad to be back on track and am shooting for being back down to my previous weight by Friday and then on to lesser and lighter weights!

Breakfast for Dinner

So my beloved randomly bought neese's sausage last week at the grocery store and since then the poor man has been dying to eat it.  In order to make him a happy man (he did do the single daddy thing all week while I was off being treated like a queen) I made breakfast for dinner.... the works--scrambled eggs, biscuits, sausage, gravy and hash browns.  And I ate it all people.  It's fine--I definitely dipped into my extras but not so heavily that I feel like I can't eat the rest of the week.  Of course, the movie theater popcorn didn't help today either.  We took the boys to see Bolt at the $2.50 theater and since we weren't broke after buying tickets, we bought food.  It's been a long time since I enjoyed any theater popcorn!

On to Sunday with hopes of having a good point day...

NCCAT

was amazing... and exceptionally fattening.  I haven't the faintest clue how many calories I inhaled this week, nor do I want to guess.  All I know is that the food was phenomenal and the experience is one that I hope never to forget.  I can't remember ever feeling so refreshed.  It's over now, so I can go back to WW tomorrow, which is my weigh in day.  I think I'm still without a battery for my scale so I'll have to get back to you on the verdict!

So far so good......

I am down another pound 193, at my heaviest in November I weighed 218 lbs.....so 25 lbs later. The weight loss has slowed dramatically and I am a little upset by that, but starting Monday my routine with the Y will be back in place. Tuesday Bodyvive, Thursday BodyFlow, Saturday am some sort of class and cycle Sunday at 4. I am only hoping that will jumpstart this process!!!!!!!

I Have No Idea...

how much I weigh today.  I tried, honestly I did, but this morning my scale chose to tell me it had a low battery rather than my weight.  It wasn't going to be good news anyway... I have been horrid this week.  I'm going to try to get a battery this evening and collect my bad news tomorrow!

Not to bad

So, I am down .5 I will take it considering that I have eaten like a horse this week!!!! Need to get back to the Y, have been a slacker!!!!

BAD and WORSE!

Well, I'm glad to know that I wasn't alone in my horrendous eating behavior yesterday. I was okay until I hit the pizza buffet... PMS and stress took over people and I'm sorry to say that in addition to my lovely salad, I also ate 3 slices of pizza, a bit of pasta and a slice of dessert pizza... ugh.

I'm chalking this one up to my hormones. The good news is that Lent starts next week and I give up a slew of bad behavior foods... maybe I should add pizza to my list!

Oops...

I ate like it was going out of style yesterday....for no apparent reason.....I had 5 1/2 yes that is correct oatmeal raisin cookies....My points are gone....I ate a steak and a loaded baked potato last night too....so, there you have it. So much for starting strong!

Tired

I'm happy to report that I'm back on track. I had a very point friendly day yesterday and although I'm coming up short today due to eating leftovers for lunch, I'm determined to make it work. I am, however, very tired and I think it is more a mental tiredness than a physical tiredness. I have several things looming in front of me at the moment and it stresses me out... and stress makes me want to eat, as does my friend Flo who is coming along this week. I really don't want to see the scale go up this week but I fear it may... mostly because I'm not sure I can undo my indiscretions this past weekend. Oh well... all I can do is hope for the best and hope that all this busyness keeps me from putting hand to mouth!

Starting Over

Ok, so after a few rough weeks, this weekend topped it all off. I had great breakfasts made for me, I had great food served to me, and I had beer to swallow it down with. Although I had a fantastic time in Atlanta, and for the second time ever valentines day was positive, I am ready to start over.

So, this week, I am back on the plan full force, i am back to exercising, I am back to logging food....i admit I logged nothing from Thursday night until today......so tomorrow, back to square one....

the only really great thing about this atlanta trip is that it boosted my morale and confidence and now makes me want to lose even more, and stick to it.....

For the first time in probably 3 years, I am HAPPY, I am proud of who i am, I am proud of my weight loss which in turn only helps with the internal motivations.......

So, to all of those friends and faithful blog followers, keep tuning in, it is only going to get better from here!!!!!!!

Death by Valentine's

I'm sorry to say that I've seriously fallen off the wagon this weekend.  I haven't logged a thing and I've eaten my weight in just about everything!  Friday night, Cameron and I had a night to ourselves and I ate a burger and a ton of fries at Five Guys.  Then Saturday was the fabulous Cub Scout day where I ate pizza, a hot dog and then also went out to eat Chinese with Cameron for supper.  Sunday was the traditional Mexican for lunch and then I finished off the Chinese for supper.  And, as if this weren't bad enough, I've gorged myself with chocolate and sweets this weekend too... ugh.

Tomorrow will be a better day and I vow to log everything for the rest of the week... although I don't thing it's going to do much good!

Isn't it always the case....

So, in my laziness this morning I decided what the heck, I am going to weigh.....WHY am I 193 today???? oh well.....i will stick with the 194.5 but that is frustrating.

I'm off to the doc in a few minutes to off to Atlanta where I am sure WW will go completely out the window, but I am in need of th R&R!!!!

No computer really for this weekend so I will post when I get back!!!!!

Happy Valentines day!!!!

Friday the 13th

Is going to be a scary day foodwise and otherwise today since I have so much going on BUT at least I got to start it on a happy note!  I'm down another .8 this week which puts me smack dab in the middle of the 150's.  I have a feeling I'm going to get pretty sick of the 150's as it is traditionally the place where I come to a screeching weight-loss stop but I'm determined to persevere.  I think the problem, usually, is that I get here and I am fairly comfortable with how I look, my clothes are fitting or are on the big side and so I get lazy with my intake and with recording it all on WW.  So, my goal is to skip complacency and see if I can achieve a weight somewhere in the 140's.  My WW goal is officially 135... but honest to goodness, I've never been that thin and am not even sure I'm capable of it... but one thing at a time... on to the low 150's and then the 140's.

Wish me luck today with a staff luncheon, classroom snack (KK doughnuts, of course) and dinner out with the hubby--goodbye extra points!

Oops....

After at friendly reminder from a follower that I had not posted this week, here I am. My weight today was only ok....I was 194.5, officially down 1.5 from last week, but only down .5 from before the gain. I am dissapointed only in myself. I ate this week, like I shouldn't have, I drank some, which I shouldn't have, I really have no excuse except that I fell off the wagon. Yes, I gained and I didn't lose what I should have. So, as i reminded my blog buddy of earlier this week, the entire reason we started this blog is to write about all of the issues surrounding weight loss...the good, the bad and the just plain ugly.

I have had several NS victories this week though, I am as i said in the dress which is a 14, my jeans up until now were either 18 or 20's, I bought a pair yesterday that are a 16!!!! Too bad sizes are not consistent. I am still either in a 14 (rarely) or a 16. I also have had SEVERAL compliments on how I am looking lately.

So, I am off to Atlanta tomorrow, not at the weight I wanted to be and knowing that eating wise this weekend will be bad, along with some drinking I am sure.....

Hopefully the doc will clear me tomorrow so starting Monday I can get back into the Y full force and help rejuvinate this weight loss process.

A sad couple of weeks in the WW worlds for me......

It's Tuesday...

and I'm already tired.  The good news is it looks like I'm going to finish the day with 1 point left and I finished yesterday with 2.  I know all the rules about eating all your points but since I've already gone overboard more than once this week, I don't reckon it's going to kill me.

My six year old, the drama king, is currently yelling in my face and typing this blog while he reads it and tries to convince me he's "calmed down" is doing wonders for my mood... however, it is keeping my fingers busy and keeping me from killing him!

I need to exercise... I know I need to exercise and I've tried to convince myself to exercise a billion times since I've started this journey (not to mention the elliptical machine sitting in my living room taunting me), but I'm having a seriously hard time actually getting myself on the exercise bandwagon.  Part of the problem, I think, is that I've continuously lost weight and haven't exercised... but at some point it's going to become a necessity.  Maybe with all the "new" activities popping up around me, I'll keep myself busy enough to burn some extra calories without even noticing!!

Back in the saddle

So, I am back in the saddle....so to speak.....I went to Cycle yesterday afternoon and LOVED it, although my butt doesn't like it today.....Very sore!!!!! But, if you do moderate cycling for 45 minutes you EARN 7 points....wow....well worth my ass being sore!

I weighed again friday and it was still not good news so I put the 196 in WW as my weight for the week....I can only hope that by the time I get on the scale thursday I am down.....I want so much to be 192 but I guess I will be happy with any loss!!! and NO MORE GAINS!!!!!

Blog Buddy

My blog buddy sent me a friendly reminder today that I've not been doing very well keeping up... and I told her it was because I was ashamed of my bad habits!!  But, this is why we started the blog in the first place--to document ALL the ups and downs that go along with losing weight.  So I now am going to enumerate my sins:

1. On my shopping day last week, I bought, ate and supremely enjoyed a chocolate chip m & m cookie--which in and of itself is not horrible but I didn't have the points and I also didn't record it.
2. Also on my shopping day last week, I was so excited and proud of my size 8 jeans that I totally overate at Moe's for dinner... waaayyyy too much queso--which I also didn't record.  Somehow... by the grace of God, I expect, I still managed to lose almost a pound and a half last week.
3. Saturday night, we went to the Dairi-0 for supper and I basically killed all my extra points for this week by devouring chicken souvlaki, french fries and then (I couldn't resist) a soft serve cone dipped in chocolate... although I must say--it was totally worth it!!!  I didn't not record each item but I did put the meal in for 35 points which I figured was fair for as much eating as I enjoyed.

Other than that, I've been pretty good this week... I won't be surprised if I don't see the scale go down partly because I've not done my best and partly because I know that at some point I'm bound to hit a plateau.  

Bad, and I am so very sad

So, today was WI, and it was not good....I gained 1 lb, BUT I am going to try again tomorrow just to see. I am on my TOM, also I didn't drink much water yesterday, so I am hoping that it is water weight. BUT, I had two big "wins" non scale related today. Someone came to me today and said, wow, you look great!!! Have you been losing weight? YES!!!!! I answered emphatically!!!
THen, I ordered dresses to wear to the wedding next week. I have been in a size 18/20 so when I ordered the 4 dresses I liked, I ordered them in sizes, 14-18....Now, if you don't know anything about plus sizing, here is the break down, there are 14-16 clothes (typically closer to 16) and 18-20 (closer to 20) then there are single sizes of 14, 16, 18 and 20 (more true sizes). Anyway, I started with the 18-20 and I was drowning in it.....14-16 still WAY too big....went to the straight 16 too big, NOW for my Winning Moment the straight 14 fit but was still a bit loose!!!!!!! WOOOOOO-HOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! I haven't been able to fit into 14 in over 2 years!!!

Love to WW and EB

It's hard to know who I love more at the moment... Weight Watchers or Eddie Bauer.  WW because it's been my road to losing weight or Eddie Bauer because I tried on, fit into and bought (for less than half price) size 8 jeans today.  SIZE 8 PEOPLE!!!!  Now, I realize that I'm not by any stretch a size 8 to the majority of the world but EB was showing me some love and I bought 2 pairs to show my appreciation!  Plus at $18 bucks for some quality denim... who would've turned it down anyway???

THEN, to make my afternoon just that much better.... I found some boots (in my size, that fit) for $10!!  Woohoo and happy shopping day to me!!!

On the mend...

in mind... but not in body--a cold has taken hold and set in!!  Oh well.  My spirits are somewhat lifted today.... perhaps it is the gorgeous snow outside my window!!!  And now I'm off to Pizza Hut--wish me luck with not overdoing it!

Disappointment

At this point, I'm pretty much disappointed with everything around me.... but I'm determined to not let it sidetrack me.  Since I'm an emotional eater, it would be simple for me to give in to emotion and let this whole WW thing go but so far I'm resisting and of that, I'm proud.

So Glad....

I will be so glad when this footbal season is over....Nothing says "Blow WW like a play-off or superbowl party"....Even with the best of intentions it is impossible to attend these things and stay within points.....I did buy an exercise band yesterday though, and since I am not allowed to do anything else until next week, I can start doing some of those exercises....Woo-hoo, to football being over and starting Cycle with April Sunday afternoon.....5 more lbs, here I come!!!!!

A Loss is a loss is a loss

Or at least, that's what I keep telling myself! I'm only down .2 this week. Not quite what I hoped for but still a loss so I won't complain (too much). This week marks exactly 10 pounds from where I started on December 1.

So, slowly but surely I'm marching onward.

I'm so happy

195....that was what the scale said today.....Down 2 for a total of 15!!! Woooooo-Hoooooo!!!!!

Uh Oh Tomorrow!!!

So, weigh in day is tomorrow....I went for dinner and drinks with a friend tonight and know that I am not going to weigh in correctly tomorrow.....So, I cheated and weighed today.....That way I can average the two weights and feel a little more accurate......

Today I had the incentive to lose 5-6 more lbs in the next 2 weeks, I have a date, to a wedding on Valentines day....I want to be able to fit into and look cutey in a dress and heels.....Even though my date has "known" me since I was 13, I have that extra incentive to work even harder to drop those pounds!!!!! Even I know, that this man holds absolutely NO future or relationship or anything other than a fun weekend, I know that for ME, I want to look and feel good!!!!

Pampered Chef and Oprah

Two things... Oprah said (well not really Oprah but Dr. Oz, so close enough) that people who eat eggs in the morning end up burning 65% more calories a day than the average person.  That sounds pretty good, so I had an egg this morning.  I actually had a 5 point breakfast this morning which is huge for me but since I know I won't be able to snack before lunch today, I thought it best to fill up now and hope it lasts me!

And... Pampered Chef is the devil (in case you didn't already know).  I went to a party last night at a friend's house and that women fixed some sort of cream cheese veggie spread, roasted chicken and a chocolate cake (with ice cream)!!!  I didn't eat a ton but as best I can figure it still managed to delete almost the rest of what few weekly points I had left!  

One happy side effect of all this WW stuff... we've eaten out quite a bit less and I've cooked quite a bit more which is not only cost effective but better for my waist-line since I have control over what goes in my food and on my plate.

New Long Term Goal

I have decided on a new long term goal.....When I graduate next may (1 1/2 years from now) I will be a size 8-10. that is a perfect size for me, healthy and I feel good....
So, now as I keep my eye on the prize of the big fluffy hat and being called "Dr", I will also keep it on the prize of 8-10!

Leftovers

I have a love/hate relationship with weekends.  On one hand, I love the time to relax and hang out but on the other hand, I hate the free time because it makes me want to eat.  One of my biggest downfalls has always been eating because I'm bored... and sometimes I get lazy and bored on the weekends.  But then again, if I'm doing something that doesn't make me bored it usually means I'm out of the house and therefore eating out... which is also a big problem.  Right now I'm in the house spending the day with the boys while Cameron is at all-district band auditions, and lunch time is looming.

I'm planning on eating leftovers... mostly because I hate to waste food but unfortunately they're not going to be overly point friendly and I'm not going to have a ton of points to play with for dinner.  So I'm going to try to get Cameron to let me cook for supper (so that I'll have some control over the points) or we're going to have to go to Applebee's so that I know I can stay within my points for the day... because yesterday I went over by 9... thanks to a big beer in a tall glass that I enjoyed very much and dinner out!

Close but no Cigar

My goal this week was to lose enough to make it to the 10 pound mark.  Well, I missed it--but only by .2 so that's not bad.  I lost .6 this week which I'm happy with considering my friend Flo was visiting, I've had an unrelenting craving for chocolate tootsie pops, I sat on my tail for at least 10 hours watching inauguration coverage on Tuesday, went over my points and basically had crap for a week.  This, oddly, makes everything just a bit better!

I'm continuing the march toward 10 pounds... then I'm off to 15!!  Happy Friday everybody!

And.......

197....down another pound......so total since Dec 1 is 13 lbs....Total since Nov 15th when I really started watching this is.....19 lbs!!!!!

Days Off....

As much as I love time off, eating becomes difficult. Although I have stayed within my points, I lost 2 points after my last WI.....So, I cooked tonight, made grilled terriyaki chicken breast, corn and wild rice. Still have enough points to have some mint chocolate chip ice cream later, of course it is WW style!!!!

Lost a Point

Usually, after you lose a certain amount of weight, WW asks you to retake the points quiz to determine how many points you should be eating... well, 6 weeks and 9 pounds down WW hasn't mentioned it so I decided to take the quiz again anyway--and I lost a point.  

So goes the life of a WW... the less you weigh, the less you get to eat.  :(  No worries though.  I'm enjoying the process and enjoying have loose clothes!!  I'm still on  a mission to find some casual/khaki type pants that fit right... If anyone has any suggestions, I would be grateful.  I think I tried on every pair of khakis at Concord Mills on Saturday.  The closest I came were a pair of pants at Ann Taylor... close--but no cigar... the search continues!

Good News:  Eddie Bauer--Blakely Fit (I knew all I would have to do was complain about not finding pants in order to find them...)

Spoiled

So I get on the scale this morning, totally expecting a gain... and to my surprise I'm down another 1.4 pounds!  This is great news and I've now lost 5% of my starting weight and I'm thrilled... however, I fear I'm becoming spoiled.  This week I ate all my daily and weekly points and actually went over my total allowed points and still managed to post a loss.  My psyche says, "If I can lose and eat more than I'm supposed to, then what's the point?"  Now understand, I'm not complaining, but I'm worried that I'll let myself slip up more often if the scale keeps saying it's okay... until it becomes the road to gaining back the 9+ pounds I've lost since the beginning of December.

and the verdict is in

198.....a whopping .5 down from last week. Considering that I blew ALL my extra points....I'll take it.....only 1 1/2 weeks until I can go back to the Y.

Voice in my Head

Yes, I admit I have a voice in my head (don't worry, it's mine)... and right now it's practicing answers to interview questions.  In between answers, it's telling me that I blew it last night at dinner.  We had a "Teacher Appreciation Dinner" at church (to which almost none of the actual teachers showed up) with a gorgeous dinner of spaghetti and meatballs, bread, salad and cheesecake... oops.  Now, I probably would have been okay if the cheesecake had not already been out on the table drizzled in chocolate and I might have been okay if I had served myself spaghetti but I didn't... and so I'm sure you can see my problem.  Needless to say I went well over my points for the day (especially since we had a birthday luncheon at school).  Not only that... I went over my extra points for the week.  I can't even bear to put them in because I can't stand to see my points turn red and go into the negatives... it just hurts my heart.  So, my plan is to do as best I can today, weigh tomorrow, take the consequences and shoot for something good next week!!!

Happy Thursday, everybody!  

Myself

Thank you so very much to Julie, Shea and Lisa for posting for my encouragement! I know that I should love myself as much as you guys love me, and that all of you are on my side!!! I am so blessed to have you guys in my life and on my side that words cannot even express it!!!!

The problem with me, lies much deeper. I talked to a dear old friend tonight and we talked about the effects of past relationships....Most people say that when you start over, you start over and leave the past in the past....The flawed thinking in that is when people hurt/love/ignore/deny/accept you that no matter what the emotion is it shapes who you become!

I have been hurt, I have been betrayed, I have been lied to, I have been cussed at, I have been loved, I have been liked, I have experienced every emotion under the sun either with friends or significant others......

So, my heart is so very guarded, I don't trust easily....I mistrust too easily, cry too easily, get mad too easily and know that I am in protection mode for EVERYTHING!!!!!

So, this blog is a HUGE step for me to share what is happening in my life, to be open and to let the gates around me open just a little bit........

SO here I am raw with emotion.....

Update

Ok, so yesterday was not a good day all around for me....I ate too much, drank too much and all around had a big ole "poor me" day. I usually don't do that, but yesterday a lot of things hit me! But, on the bright side, I woke up today and am starting to feel more like my chipper self.....I did weigh this morning, though I swore I wouldn't. I shouldn't have, BUT it makes me even more motivated to eat well and finish this week out with a bang and hopefully a loss!!!
Loneliness is sometimes my worst enemy.....I have the best friends in the whole wide world, that everyone should envy and I am thankful and blessed to have them in my life (JULIE, Shea) but i am still lonely.....So, that is the hardest part of this whole journey. I wake up alone, go to bed alone and that makes me want to EAT.....But, this too shall pass, and I will say my prayers for all of the things that I am truly blessed with and will type on this blog instead of eating.....So far so good today.

Just Because...

I've nothing to say, really... just felt like I should post.  Yesterday was good.  I ate my usual Mexican meal for lunch and then managed to finish the day within points because I stuck to a zero point supper... soup, salad, fruit and even bread all for 0 points.  How cool is that??  Today has gone fairly well.  Had a huge dinner and managed to stay within my points for the day (as long as I don't eat anything later).  Is it only Monday... really?  I'm settling in for an extremely long week!

Football

Playoff Football is BAD.....I went to a friends today to watch the Giants then the Steelers game. Of course there was beer, which I drank, and pizza/wings. I avoided the pizza like the plague BUT, the wings were the death of me!!!! So, I had some beers and more than my fair share of wings! They also had onion rings, another vice of mine, although I only had 4.....celery which I tried to eat the most of , but then of course comes the blue cheese.....

So, my points are shot for the week, I used from what I can figure, my daily points plus 15....Ok according to WW, but not OK by me!

Plus, I can't go to the Y to work it off, nor can I walk from exercise as I have been forbidden from that by my doc for another 3 weeks.

So now, I am sitting at home, lifting hand weights and hoping that maybe I can redeem myself.....
In response to Julies blog about weighing more than once a week.......I did do that, and I was always surprised and it kept me motivated. Since I have hit 200 lbs, weighing everyday does nothing but depress me, so I have gone back to the SOLELY once a week WI.....That way I feel better!

I want so badly to feel "skinny" again that it almost makes me CRAZY.....I know that in order to actually get the point that I am comfortable, 30 more lbs must be lost, and lost in a good way. With that though, means giving up beer and all the foods that are my enemy (salty and/or fried foods). So, even though I know that 11.5 lbs in a month is admirable, I am still feeling poorly about myself.

So I am back to my stressful world that I have had a break from for the last month. Back to readings that need to be read, assignments that must be completed, papers that must be written and a dissertation than needs a lot more work....The last month has been great, having time to do nothing but now, it has caught up with me....

My diet/exercise (once I am cleared for the Y again) are my priority, then grad school work, then teaching.....

So, keep me in your thoughts, send me lots of positive energy and keep tabs on this blog as I can use/NEED all the encouragement that you have to offer!!!!!!!

Why?

I know why I'm not supposed to weigh everyday... weight fluctuates daily and blah, blah, blah. But why is it that I always weigh less (significantly less) the day after I officially weigh-in?  Out of curiosity, I got on the scale.... and I was a full 1.2 pounds lighter than I was yesterday.... WHAT? Aggravating at the least, but now, if I'm not more than that by next Friday, I'll be all kinds of frustrated.

Okay, this post wasn't about anything important... I just needed to rant!

Update... just for fun I got on the scale again just before my shower and it showed I was down another .6.... from this morning (which makes almost 2 pounds from yesterday)!  WHAT?  I think my scale is playing with me!  :)

Welcome Back!

Weigh-in this morning went better than I expected... and I have now officially crossed back into the 150's (Technically I was there last week, but if you'll remember I had been sick so it didn't really count).  At any rate, I'm happy.  The loss wasn't big--a mere .6 of a pound from two weeks ago but considering the birthdays and cake and all that, I'm not going to complain.  It has definitely helped being back at work too... it makes it much easier for me to regulate what I'm eating.

So, yeah me.  The most fun right now is having people notice... and they might not even directly notice--sometimes they'll just compliment what I'm wearing (and I've been wearing all year) and that tells me that it's probably not the clothes so much as the way I look in the clothes--they fit better and they feel better.... woohoo!

WOW!!!

Ok, 198.5, according to WW that is 5% of my total weight and that is a huge deal!!!!!
Woo-Hoo! This is the first time I have weighed less than 200 lbs in a full year!!!

NSV

So today I had a NSV (Non-Scale Victory) which is usually a term I hate but I don't know how else to say it. Someone actually noticed that I've lost weight. It's the first time (during this recent journey) that someone has mentioned it. Of course I've noticed and I realize that's what really matters but someone else noticed too and that makes me feel like it matters!

On the other hand, I'm not expecting a loss this week due to the excessive amount of birthday cake that has been in and around my house and celebrating the birthdays of my gorgeous boys. If I come out even, I'll be thrilled!!

First Day Back

So, today was the first day back at work in over 2 weeks....it is very hard to work with preschoolers with a broken foot, but I survived, of course, I got a lot of flack, I tried to lie my way out of it, but was busted about the New Years fall!!
so, point wise, I did ok, I am just so VERY worried about my WI this week as I am not able to exercise! I miss the Y, coming from a girl who HATED exercise, that is a huge statement. So, by the grace of God and a lot of luck, I will be 200 lbs again this week, that would make me even with what I was during the Christmas week.....I doubt it, my guess will be, 202, a gain of 2 lbs in 2 weeks and that is SO NOT OK!!!!! Oh well, not much I can do other than eat a WHOLE lot less, but that will put my body into starvation mode.....UGHHHHHH!!! This broken foot is killing me in more ways than one!!!!

Binge

Yes, I admit it... the past few days have been like an eat-fest.  You don't have to worry or be angry with me though because my body is yelling at me for you.  After getting sick on Wednesday and eating nothing but crackers and Gatorade on Thursday, I landed at Chuck E. Cheese on Friday where I consumed my entire day's worth of points in one sitting.  I finished out the day well over but not horrible considering.  Then on Saturday, I did the house cleaning dance and worked for 6 or 7 hours getting the house de-Christmased and ready for birthday company on Sunday... which made me very hungry at which point I again ate more than I should.  Up to this point, I had logged everything and was still within my weekly range.  Then came Sunday... and birthday cake and chips and basically just an all out binge. 

So, I'm sorry.  As I write I sit here finishing my 3 point breakfast and have already logged my low point lunch and am pondering what I can make for supper that won't ruin my day... 

I am proud of myself, though, for accomplishing my goal of finishing December 7 pounds lighter than I started it and my goal for January is the same... leave it less than I entered it.  Wish me luck!

Derailing WW....

Ok, so the last few days of 2008, I ate like crap and drank like it was going out of style.... I weighed this morning, and as i had suspected, it was a gain from last week and that KILLS me!!!

So, on to what is really bothering me.....So, Sean, thinks that he is not "emotionally available" for a relationship, that he is "gun shy" and that he is freaking out.....I have not heard at all from him since his "apology" on Wed early evening....

It kills me, I contacted him through email last night, which I KNOW I shouldn't have, because now, 24 hrs later I still have not heard from him and it hurts more that he won't respond, then if he didn't initiate conversations......

UPDATE: Got an email at 2 am.....telling me he is sorry and that he overthought things and that he will be his own worst enemy for a while.....UGH.....

So, I deleted his numbers and email from my account and I will be SHOCKED if I hear from him again.

UPDATE: So, I realize that this really is all about him and really has nothing to me, but it still sucks no matter how you look at it!!!!

This, my friends, is the story of my life.....Everytime I think that someone is cool, this is what happens....

Maybe I am cursed with all of the bad men in life, or maybe if I were skinny like I want to be, to lose those 30+ lbs and then some I would not have the same difficulty keeping a man around me....

Update: I know, I know, that those who read this will yell at me....but I wonder, just wonder if maybe there is something wrong with me, not the men I encounter...Oh well, maybe more therapy is needed! :) lol
So, I have derailed my psuedo-relationship with Sean AND WW!!!

Not a good start to the new year.... :(

Breaking it....

Ok, so my foot is not all that got broken over this wonderous new years....I totally broke the bank with WW....I basically ate fried food crap, fast food crap, lots o' beer, and everything that is NOT allowed on WW....So I am not even weighing this week. It would only totally derail/dissappoint/piss me off. So, Since today is the start of a new week....I am starting back fresh tomorrow morning. I also need to get back into the Y after having the flu, but I have no idea how I am going to do that with this broken foot o' mine. So, I am going to go to the Dr in the am, they will weigh me, but I am not going to look and I will not have them tell me.....I think they need to x-ray my foot and then go from there on the exercise route....
Oh the trouble I get myself into when I am not even trying too....Guess that is what happens when you have your 1st drink at 2:30 PM with fried buffalo shrimp!!!!
So, heres to New Years Resolutions!!!!

I Brought in the New Year... Sick

Brilliant.  I haven't been sick (stomach not cold) in forever... until last night.  So I said goodbye to the old year and brought in the new one sick--hopefully it's not a bad omen for the year.  I had a decent points day yesterday but something at supper didn't sit right and there you have it.

The bad thing is that tomorrow's weigh in will not be totally accurate but I have nothing else to go on so it'll have to do!

I hope everyone else's New Year experience was better than mine...ugh.